Chaos is Inevitable

So, if there’s on thing I know about myself, it’s that I thrive when i’m busy. I’m the goddamn queen of joining things, seeking new experiences, and finding interesting ways to spend my time. If i’m sitting with nothing to do, I get restless in about five minutes time. I’m constantly on the hunt for ways to occupy myself, from volunteer opportunities to a menagerie of extracurriculars. While this works for me, it is also incredibly overwhelming sometimes. I have the hardest time saying “no” to things. I love the chaos, but I often spread myself way too thin, overbooking myself and committing myself to about a thousand different things. That’s how I end up where I am now, with a solidly booked schedule full of coursework for 18 credits, 3 jobs, and outside activities almost every day of the week, all on top of trying to maintain relationships and, I don’t know, sleep? It’s almost funny, but it causes me to get so insanely stressed that I sometimes feel like i’m going to collapse from all the pressure.

What I need to remember, though, is that I choose to make my life this way. If I wasn’t spending my time doing things that I love like singing in choir, working my care jobs, or dedicating myself to my faith, I would lead a life void of meaning. Without this sometimes scary whirlwind of busyness, I would be end up feeling empty, or, at the very least, a vastly different person. Reflecting on that, and then doing things that relieve the stress, like going to my favorite local coffee shop for some therapeutic rambling mixed with a bit of productivity, helps me to realize that i’m on the right path. I’ll make it through, I always do. If I ever start to doubt that, as I often do, I know my mother, aka my best friend and biggest supporter, is just a phone call away. As my constant cheerleader and role model, she gives me the strength to believe in my powerful self. Recently, she gave me a relevant yet hilarious little gift of post-its that say “Stop me before I volunteer for something again”.  Ironically enough, I now use those to write down things that I (surprise) volunteer for, but they’re a sweet little reminder that, with me, chaos is inevitable, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So, next time you have to opportunity to experience something new or get out of your comfort zone, don’t hesitate to give it a try! Trust me, I know that your comfy bed laden with your new series on Netflix and some Twizzlers looks damn inviting, but it’ll be there waiting for you after you volunteer to serve a meal at a shelter or take that pottery class you’ve always been interested in. Those are the experiences that you’ll remember later on in life, not just the latest crazy antics between Olivia and Fitz. If you’re reading this, hopefully these ramblings can inspire you to go make some memories (and then of course end the night with some good ol’ Shonda drama).


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